


Random Hockey Crack Bits

by bookchan



Category: Hockey RPF
Genre: Crack, Drabbles, Fandom, Gen, Knitting, M/M, My head is a strange place, Secret hobbies, Tailoring
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-13
Updated: 2014-07-16
Packaged: 2018-01-19 06:49:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1459912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookchan/pseuds/bookchan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>These are bits of random hockey drabbles that I've started writing in hockey rpf</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Sidney Crosby spends too much time on the internet

Neal burst into the Penguin locker room out of breath and shouting "Oh God, who let Sidney on the internet again! He's apparently been trawling that archive for ideas on how to improve team morale and decided that we all need to become werewolves." 

Noise paused for a second in the locker room as everyone tried to parse what Nealer had just told them. Groans started erupting as they thought about what that might mean for them until they were able to shake the idea out of Sidney's head. Geno was one of the few who didn't groan, if Sidney wasn't them to be werewolves, maybe he'd be able to adopt a wolf. He'd always wanted one as a kid and here it might finally happen.

Kunitz felt the need to remind them that it wasn't that bad this time. "Hey at least it's better than that time he got the idea to use voodoo to curse the opposing team because it worked for Kane in that one story." 

Flower groaned at that reminder. "Don't remind me of that one. Trying to explain what was going on to the other team's goalies was embarrassing. He apparently though, isn't the only one to have read it and tried." 

For that piece of potential juicy gossip, Flower got a few questions about who the other players were and he played coy with them before a piercing whistle drew their attention back to Neal.

"I wish it were that simple this time and that he decided as a werewolf he was bonded to Geno again, but this time his apparent soulmate is Toews and you all know who we're playing tonight. I caught him dragging a stunned Toews away for "cuddles" on my way here. Luckily Kane was able to separate the two of them and I was able to distract Sidney by telling him to go talk to Mario, but what are we going to do about tonight?" Nealer ended up asking plaintively.

"Is easy Lazy," Geno said as he turned to finish dressing for warm ups. "Sid want to play best hockey tonight to show off to new soulmate. Nothing to worry about. Worry instead why Toews agreed."

Toews agreed because he too read too much from that archive and was hoping that if Kane found him cuddling up with Crosby he'd get jealous and declare his love. Instead Kane burst out laughing on finding the together and just clapped him on the back while congratulating him for finally finding someone just as serious as himself.


	2. The Secret Hobbies of Hockey Players

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here are some possible secret hobbies for a few hockey players.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These hobbies are completely made up. 
> 
> I reread tour de force and had fun thinking of random stuff that hockey players could be doing in their down time and why and how they got into it. I still need to come up with ones for Amateur Shakespearean Actor, Drag Queen, and Ice Sculptor.

Secret - Tailoring

Jordan's mom had taught him to sew.  She'd actually taught all four of her sons.  When she taught them she didn't call it sewing because Eric had thrown quite the fit at the thought of being taught something so girly.  Instead she called it tailoring.  With four sons playing hockey and traveling, there wasn't always enough money for new clothes and if the boys were the ones doing the sewing then there couldn't be any complaints about the clothes not fitting right or looking right.  Marc and Eric stopped tailoring there stuff as soon as they could afford to, but Jordan continued to tailor his own clothes even after he could afford to pay someone else to do it, usually Jordan if he could be talked into it.  He found it relaxing and felt that other tailors never did nearly as meticulous a job as he did.  Their seams would be sloppy and uneven or they would take the fabric in too much.

He never let on to the other hockey players either that he tailored his own clothing.  When they asked about his tailor because his clothing and suits fit so much better than theirs, he'd just make a joke out of it and how he couldn't let on because then he'd lose his advantage with the people of Pittsburgh and against Sidney and Geno he needed all the advantages he could find. 

 

Secret – Knitting/crochet

So there's lots of traveling involved in hockey and when Kane was kid and his parents were driving him all over his mom taught him to knit in the car to keep him occupied.  He kept it up all these years and now knits as home when re-watching games/ tv.  The team finds out when he's knitting his sister a baby blanket and the babies due in three days so he has to finish it while the team is on the road.  They stop teasing him about it after Christmas when they all get the best hockey socks ever from him. He hangs out on ravelry, where he's created a few hockey patterns.  One was a knitted plush stick and puck that was created for the Crosby-Malkin baby.

Patrick Kane – secret knitter

 

Secret- cosplayer

He got into anime and sci-fi due to the Johnson family and they took him to local cons and stuff, but he was already a bit famous locally and it got irritating getting stopped for autographs constantly.  Eventually they started dressing him up as various characters to prevent him from being recognized and he continued the habit over the years.  It was really freeing being someone else and not having to worry about people recognizing him.  He got known on the con circuit for never being out of costume and for having really quality handmade pieces.  If it was supposed to be out of silk, it was out of silk. 

Sidney Crosby and Jack Johnson - cosplayers

 

Secret – My little pony friendship is magic fan

Just he feels that the series really captures what drives a team ok? And if he sometimes uses techniques for helping people get along from the show that's between him and his notes. 

He loves the My Little Blackhawks and when he got his own pony he was on cloud nine.

Jamie Benn –My little pony fan

 

Secret – Fandom

He got into it accidently when an ex-girlfriend would spend all her time in it.  He actually writes a lot of porn for random American and Finnish TV series.  He got his butt kicked a lot for saying and doing some stupid things when he first started out. He finds it really weird that everyone assumes he's female, but never says otherwise because it's another layer to hide behind.   Was really upset when one of his favorite authors started writing hockey rpf, read it anyways cause he reads everything she writes and now he beta's her work for correct hockey.  Still never writes his own, but he might have a folder with bits and pieces and by bits and pieces he means really long epics and a ton of crack fics.

Tuukka Rask – it's how he practices his English


	3. Sidney Crosby: Hockey player by season, Shakespearean actor in the summer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sidney Crosby broadens his horizons by trying different hobbies, this time it's Shakespeare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was written this morning while I was waiting at the car dealership for my car to get it's tune up and then typed up tonight while I'm slightly drunk, so there may be more spelling and grammar issues than normal. My apologies. 
> 
> Also there would be more, but I know nothing about Shakespeare or acting so this is all I have

Sidney Crosby the Shakespeare actor

Sidney loved LA during the summer.  No one paid attention to him other than the occasional hockey fan.  There just wasn't the constant demand for his attention and person that drained him so much in Canada.  Here he could go out to eat and not sign any autographs or pose for any pictures.  He could relax in a way he couldn't even at his house in Halifax.  Here he was anonymous, one among the crowd. 

One of the things he was trying her during the summer were various hobbies, thing to do that weren't hockey.  He'd seen during his concussion that as much as he loved hockey, it couldn't be his sole reason for existence.  If an injury became permanent or he had to retire he'd go crazy if hockey was the only thing he knew. 

Last summer he'd taken surfing lessons, but this summer he was going to take advantage of another facet of LA and take acting lessons.  He'd asked his agent to recommend some places to take lessons, but after taking a look at them, they weren't what he wanted.  They were all too serious and he wanted something a bit more relaxed and casual, something different from his normal take everything seriously life.  After looking around online and in person, Sidney ended up choosing a local Shakespeare group off of meetup.com.  They seemed passionate about it, but from the group pictures it looked fairly casual and fun.  Plus at the end of the summer they put on a show and that would give him a way of seeing if his acting had improved and he could also invite Taylor and the Lemieux's to see it.  They'd probably love it whether or not he acted well.  In fact they'd probably love it better he his acting was horrible, at least Taylor would because it would give her plenty of chirping ammo.

 

Sidney showed up for the next Thursday practice of the group.  They welcomed him and he soon found himself surrounded by quite the variety of people.  While he felt awkward and out of place at the start, they knew how to deal with awkward people and soon felt comfortable with them.  The actors were just happy to have another body since they were a small group and more people meant fewer roles having to be played by the same person and more people in the audience. 

So practices came and went, while Sidney slowly learned about the people he was acting with.

Julie was a script writer; Peter was a high schooler trying to pump up his college resume while working part time at the local pizza place.  And there were others.  Sidney found that he wasn't even the richest member of the troupe.  There were a couple of college dropouts who'd sold their company to Google and were now trying to figure out what they wanted to do next.

Sidney's role didn't have many lines, but he was kept busy moving scenery and other props when he wasn't on stage.  They weren't going to let those muscles or that ass go to waste.

Eventually Taylor dragged it out of him, what he'd been spending his time this summer doing and once she finished laughing she demanded tickets to his performance.  Sidney only agreed after she promised to not mention it to their parents or anyone else.  After that, Sidney reluctantly made the call to the Lemieux's.  If they found out he'd appeared on stage and did hadn't invited them, he knew Mario and Nathalie would never let him live it down and there was no way that Taylor wouldn't share the info with Stephanie.  Just like Taylor, Mario laughed at Sidney, but agreed to not mention it to the team.

Stuff happens, and then Beau shows up because somebody knows somebody who mentions it to him and he has to check this out.  He mentions it to the rest of the team and they all show up along with Taylor and the Lemieux's for the performance because aren't they Sid's family too?

The performance happens and it ends with one giant hug, lots of love and a bunch of chirps from the team.


	4. Phil Kessel, Ice Sculptor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Secret hobbies don't stay secret for very long in the NHL

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Completely unbeta'd, has nothing to do with real life, just making stuff up.

Phil concentrated deeply on where he wanted the cut to go and how it should look after each slice of the chainsaw.  Slowly the hints of the sculpture were being revealed and Phil thought that this time it might actually look like Stella.

Between the chainsaw going at it and the earmuffs he was wearing to protect his hearing Phil didn't notice Bozie open the door and entering the garage until he stopped to give his hands a rest and go through a few grip exercises.  Keeping control of the chainsaw was different from controlling his stick and his hands got tired easily.

Bozie having had time to get over his initial surprise at finding Phil in the garage carving ice, just raised his eyebrow at Phil's blush on being discovered.

"I'd always wondered about the chainsaw, it just really seemed out of place in the garage.  It makes sense now.   How long have you been making ice sculptures?"

"You've met my family.  You know they're a bunch of smart asses.

Phil paused and could practically see Bozie mentally running through the various traumatizing events he'd witness as fray adjacent.

"When I was 16 I made the mistake of not giving my family a list of gifts I wanted.  Really I should have known better, especially after Amanda and the so called Christmas Miracles of '99."  A shiver ran down Phil's spine at that memory and he hurried on before Bozie could ask about it.

"I was busy doing something when Mom asked me what I wanted for Christmas that year and said something about gifts having to do with ice meaning of course hockey.  Instead I woke up Christmas morning to, as you probably guessed Bozie going by the grin on your face, a bunch of gifts related to ice and none with anything to do with hockey.  The ice sculpting lessons were from my grandparents.  I found it sort of fun and relaxing and it makes for some great revenge."

"Oh God, please tell me you've sculpted Amanda!"

"Of course I have," Phil looked affronted. "Whenever she beats me at something I always have my revenge."  Phil smirked, his Kesselness out in full force.  "If you ask nicely I might even show you pictures of some of the faces she's made whenever she sees one of herself." 


End file.
